Surviving to Thriving

Survive (v): to remain alive or in existence

Thrive (v): to grow vigorously, to flourish (m-w.com)

Recently Kate Gosselin (from Jon and Kate Plus Eight) wrote a book entitled Multiple Blessings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets. I've been thinking a lot about that title in the past few days and I realize that the title really puts into words how I've been feeling. I feel like I've been in survival mode for over a year now. Since November of '07, John and I have found out we're pregnant, miscarried, found out John got into school, found out we were pregnant, found out we were having twins, moved to a new state, changed jobs, John started his Masters program, I went on bed rest, and we gave birth to the two most amazing and beautiful little boys. Life has been a windstorm of activity and change all around us and I've found myself just trying to stay upright.

Psalm 30:5 says, "...weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning." (NLT) I feel my morning s finally coming. Please understand, the last year has been amazing, but it's been far from easy and it's been hard to find the time to even feel joyful for more than a few moments. Slowly, but surely, though, the sun is rising and morning light is breaking through.

Survival. Remaining alive or in existence. That is a little dramatic, but there have been days that I don't think I can take another step. As I said, we've been surviving for over a year, but our "survival mode" has gone to new levels in the last four months. When people say that there is nothing more hard, yet fulfilling, than being a parent, they are not joking. Ask me about the first week of having our boys and you won't get too much of an answer. I remember looking at them and thinking, "I don't even know you." I remember crying every night for the first week because I just didn't want night time to come and I really wasn't too keen on the next day, either. I remember very little else. From lack of sleep and and overabundance of hormones, life was really blurry for a while.

Thriver. One who grows vigorously or flourishes. We're nearly to the four month mark. I remember a woman saying , "The first four months are awful. It gets so much better after that." At the time I was annoyed and discouraged thinking that I didn't want to wish away the first four months or not enjoy those precious moments with my babies. I understand her now. While I did enjoy my boys and I didn't wish away (most) 0f those days, I was merely surviving; I was just making it though. We are beginning to flourish now. I look forward to the night time because I have the energy to enjoy some "me" time. I'm actually finding time to clean my house. My relationship with John is better than it's been,well, ever. And I know that in a few hours I'll get the chance to wake up two little boys for their last feeding of the day. They'll open their dream-filled eyes and look into mine. They'll give me their sweet, sleepy smile. They'll stretch and twist and then find their place in my arms as I walk them down the hall to "our chair" for their midnight snack. I'll get to look over and see my husband in his new role as Daddy, staring down at the little one in his arms with such overwhelming love, and I'll fall in love with him all over again. And I can look forward to tomorrow, knowing that if I don't get enough sleep, coffee will be waiting to give me the kick I need, and even if we have ourselves "a day," as we call it, my boys will be no worse for the wear. Surviving to thriving. We are definitely on the upswing.